"If we know anything, it is that if virtues do not equal powers, the powers will be misused." --T.M. Alexander from the book Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin.
When I first started blogging almost nine months ago, my intentions were pure. I wanted to give a voice to those who might feel like they had none. I wanted to help people. I wanted to teach people to accept and love themselves as they are. Even when I created A Bitch Called Mom, it was still my intention to help others and give a voice to moms who felt as though their frustrations could not be understood.
Recently, I believe I did something that bordered on cruel, a gross misuse of the power entrusted to me. On February 16, I did a blog post called It Won't Kill You to be Normal on ABCM. This was a post about a woman who was on a television show proclaiming to be addicted to makeup. I tore that woman to shreds and many people agreed with my assessment of her situation. It proved to be a very popular post, further proof of how I misused my gifts of healing and teaching.
Up until that post, even as I bitched about motherhood, unemployment, and the pitfalls of hiring friends, I still believed (and I still do) that there was something in each post that could have been learned or could otherwise make people feel that they were not alone. For instance, in the post Dear Mrs. Hyde, the lesson there was to stop focusing on what you haven't accomplished, but instead to channel that energy into getting what you want out of life. The message in I Resolve...To Not Resolve was to stop being so hard on yourself and lighten up.
When I penned the February 16th post, I told myself that there was a lesson, and there was, but the lesson got lost in mean-spiritedness. I apologize for misusing my talents. For misusing my voice. For misusing the voice that I was to give to another.
I will try not to do it again, but I am human. I will make mistakes until the day I die. If you don't make mistakes, how will you know when you've made a wrong turn? That you have stepped off the path to your destiny? This is not a lesson that I have learned easily because I'm the type of person who doesn't like to be wrong. I understand now that mistakes are apart of the learning process. I must make mistakes in order to continue to grow.
You, dear reader, can trust that when I do err, I will always own up to it. I trust that you will keep me on track and call me on my BS when I veer off-course. Just as I promise to continue to do for you...on both blogs.
Now in the spirit of forgiveness that I preach so much about, I hope that you will forgive me. I hope that Maureen forgives me. Sincerely, I do.
But even if neither of you choose to do so, I have to forgive myself.
That is today's lesson, in case you missed it. Learn from your mistakes, own up to them and apologize if necessary, forgive yourself, and continue on your journey.
What's the greatest lesson that you have learned so far?
Until next week,
Feed on love, subsist on peace.
wow.
ReplyDeletespeechless...sorta..
*gathers thoughts*
you are truly a wonderful person. i am not sure i could do what you just did. i like to do the right thing, sure. but on the other hand, i also am unsure that you did anything really wrong.
i do not know.
if you put it out there, you expose yourself to the pot shots of the cyberwebber.
of course it is your life and i respect that.
the person you ripped may have been deserving. mebbe not. i do not know.
i read it and was amused.
very.
i actually was even more amused by the fact that someone actually saw your post and was related to the subject.
and kinda disbelieving.
i was further amused by your rebuttal.
but i think i was also not involved, so i felt in a way that it was just a lark.
i do not know.
and nothing is really real on the internet.
i can forgive myself a lot of things, but i do not know if i could ever be so self-repentant on this kinda thing.
i do not know.
i guess i would hope i never find out. i try to keep all my rants on a much more random and generalized slant.
i do know the world is short on understanding...
i do know what i am feeling right now.
repsect.
god bless you and the people of whom you speak.
ps and then the captcha is...ingod....
Bruce, I always know when I've done wrong because God won't let me get away with it. I've felt an uneasiness in my spirit ever since Maureen's daughter commented to the post. I realized that everything I wrote was not in keeping with the blog's purpose.
ReplyDeleteBTW, thanks for letting me know about the captchas. I could have sworn I turned them off, but that one was definitely appropriate.
I can understand that feeling of remorse after being harder on someone than you mean to. On one hand I believe that people should be able to take a little criticism; on the other hand, I generally consider myself a compassionate human being and most situations warrant a little nuance.
ReplyDeleteWhile your comments about the lady may have offended her daughter, I thought you were pretty sympathetic in the end, and you were right to let her know that trolling the internet for nasty comments about her mom was not the best way to cope with her humiliation. I doubt anyone else would have taken the trouble to try to help her out.
the expanses of your heart are endless, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteBF- my first reaction was anger, so if I had responded when I was angry, I wouldn't have been nearly as understanding. I'm glad I waited to calm down.
ReplyDeleteLovkyne- I sure hope so. Thank you for saying that.
The biggest lesson I have learned is to relax. I'm a feisty person naturally, so I tend to let my temper get the best of me. When I'm able to, stepping back and laughing at myself is the best thing I can do. It's taken a while to learn it, but little by little, I'm getting the hang of it.
ReplyDeleteAva