Monday, January 10, 2011

Worth Fighting For

"I did not! You're just lying to get me in trouble!"
"Yes, you did! You said the 's' word. I heard you and I'm telling."
"No, I didn't! I hate you! Ugly troll! You're always trying to get somebody in trouble!"

This is a conversation I once happened upon between my youngest son and my oldest daughter. In case you're wondering, the 17-year-old girl was tormenting the 11-year-old boy. My son was breathing heavily, his face was red, and he was shouting at the top of his lungs. Meanwhile, the mean-spirited teenager, who I sometimes hesitate to admit is my child, was perfectly calm. You see, it's easy to harass someone; it's much more difficult being the one harassed.

I sometimes let them hash these things out on their own, but because my son looked dangerously close to having a heart attack, I felt the need to step in. I'm not going to repeat what I said to the teenager, that's a conversation for my other blog, but let's say I expressed my dislike of her childish behavior. Then I made my son take ten deep breaths because, frankly, his heavy breathing was scaring me to death.

The situation made me wonder...why are people willing to fight for things that don't matter? Why do we fight to be "right?" Why is being right so damned important?

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (Oprah's Book Club, Selection 61)

When you find yourself arguing with someone over something that you know to be true, remember this: the truth does not need to be defended. The truth stands on its own; it doesn't need your help being true. The truth remains the same whether someone believes it or not. That means if you tell me the sky is red and I look up and it is clearly blue, I can walk away from you knowing that the sky will remain blue whether or not I debate the point with you.

Because the truth doesn't need defending.

I have seen people fight over some really silly (read stupid) things over the years. I have seen women fight each other over a man. I have seen men fight over a woman. I have seen fights because someone stepped on another's brand new shoes. I've seen fights about who gets the last donut. I've seen fights over political differences. I've seen "religious" people fight someone who doesn't believe as they believe, in the name of God, no less.

A guy selling newspaper subscriptions wanted to get into a with fight me because I didn't want to buy one from him. I have neither the time nor the inclination to read a newspaper, and I'm not in the habit of wasting money just to please strangers. He called me stupid because I'd rather pay $1 for the Sunday paper which I purchased occasionally than pay $10 per week for three days worth of papers that I wasn't going to read. Now, ever since I was a little girl, it has infuriated me to be called stupid. I don't know why. The memory connected to that hurt is buried somewhere deep inside my psyche. You could say almost anything to me, but if you called me stupid, somebody was going to get his feelings hurt. Lucky for me (and the newspaper guy) that I have since grown up. Yes, I could have fought him, and believe me, I wanted to, but I just laughed at him. The truth is, I'm quite intelligent.

And the truth doesn't need to be defended.

Let's suppose the newspaper sales guy calls me stupid everyday for the rest of his life, will it somehow affect my intelligence? Will all of my life experience, acquired skills, and lessons learned find themselves lying on the ground in a sad little heap because someone said I'm stupid? Does someone's expression of a thing automatically make it so?

We've been taught since we were young that truth is something for which we should fight. It was Superman, I believe, who told us to fight for truth, justice, and the American way. It seems like someone is always telling us to fight for something. Fight for what's right. Fight for your beliefs. Fight for freedom. We're born innocent and loving and kind. Then someone looks us in the eye and informs us that we will be fighting all our lives.

Stop fighting. It's not good for you. Physically, your body's response to fighting and stress slows down or inhibits sexual and digestive functions. Translation: erectile dysfunction and constipation, to name only two. Prolonged stress can cause chronic suppression of the immune system. Translation: you're fighting so much that your body can no longer do so. Emotionally and spiritually, you're just an unpleasant person to be around. Sure, people think it's hilarious when you curse out the cashier for not taking your coupons. They're laughing at you, and meanwhile, their immune systems are stronger for all that laughing.

If you want to fight for something, fight for your laughter. Fight for your own happiness. Because truthfully, happiness is something for which you don't really have to fight.

If you have a situation about which you'd like to get a fresh perspective, please email me at In 2011, let's turn this into the blog I meant for it to be: one that offers a listening ear connected to a kind heart. I'm listening. What do you have to say?

Until next week,
Feed on love, subsist on peace.


  1. You don't realize how many times you cause me to pause and thank the universe for bringing you into my life.

    You always say just what I need to hear (whether I want to or not), exactly when I need it.

    And I couldn't be more grateful.

  2. I don't ever know what I'm going to write in this blog. Most of the time, I just open it up and wait for the words to be placed on my heart. I always believe that whatever words come to me are meant for someone who needs to hear them.

    That gratitude is a two-way street because I feel blessed just to know you.

  3. This is a topic that resonates strongly with me. Could not be more in agreement with your point and your eloquent presentation.

    So very grateful to have found this blog ...



  4. I am feeling a little emotionally drained myself at the moment but your words have soothed a little of it. Truth is I am confused and hurting.
    but maybe you dont need to hear it just because I needed to say it. Thanks for being a friend

  5. @PM- I am humbled by your kind words. Thank you.

    @Mynx- As your friend if you need to say it, I need to hear it. Hang in there, my friend. I'm sending powerful thoughts of peace your way.

  6. awesome as usual... the truth will set you free, for it needs no defending, and is right and just...

    the problem usually lies when there are two (or more) people with different ideas of the truth...

    i hear ya on this one...
    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  7. Thank you so much. Sometimes we get so caught up in being 'right' that we forget the important stuff.

  8. I found this blog through your other one! What a great (an important) topic to write on! I couldn't agree with you more, things aren't worth the fight! At the end of the day - If it's not changing your life - it's not worth it! Have a lovely weekend!

  9. Bruce, you're exactly right.

    Tory- Yes! And then we start believing that 'being right' IS the important stuff.

    mskanorado- Indeed. I wish the same for you!


Let me hear your voice.