Please Love Me...Again

I sat down tonight to write this week's post and, just as I started, my daughter came into my room and asked to hang out with me until her bedtime. I feel I should take advantage of this invitation because she won't want to be bothered with me a few short years from now, so I am going to take her up on her offer. In the interest of spending quality time with my soon-to-be-ten-year-old, I've decided to repost a piece that I feel more people should have taken to heart. It has been edited to reflect my feelings today, some of which are much different than my feelings at the time of the original post. What a difference four months make. I hope you enjoy it...again.

Recently I had occasion to surf the web for information about Wicca. Don't stop reading. I have no intention of trying to convert you to witchdom. I find the religion quite fascinating, though. I'm in love with knowledge and I revel at the chance to learn something new. Anyway, my husband says that if I do convert to Wicca, I'll be doing it alone. I can't imagine being a lonely old witch. Then again...the toilet seat would always be down, every room in my house wouldn't smell like the aftermath of a rotten egg explosion, and the train that runs through my bedroom every night would be on a track in a completely different state. I might have to reconsider.

In my research I found several interesting facts, one of them being the Wiccan Rede which states, "An it harm none, do as ye will." It means do as you'd like as long as your actions don't hurt anyone, including yourself. I think that's awesome. God gave us free will, but that doesn't mean the freedom to hurt each other with impunity. Any religion that discourages its members from harming themselves or others is okay by me.

What struck me as most intriguing were the FAQ pages. Every page on every website I visited, every single one, had this question: Can I cast a spell to make someone love me? A wave of sadness washed over me each time I read that question. 

Can I make someone love me? 

I was sad because I've known that inconsolable urgency for somebody, anybody to love me. In fact, I've always had a penchant for things I can't or shouldn't  have, especially men. When a person constantly pursues unavailable men or women, some would say that he/she has commitment issues. I don't know about that, but I do know this: when you tell me I can't have something, I feel a deep sense of deprivation. I feel like I've been told that I can't live or breathe or consume chocolate. I want it more; I need it more. That's an instinct I believe most of us share. If you're deprived of oxygen, watch how your body struggles to get it with frantic desperation. You need it or you will surely die, so you fight that much harder to get it. 

I'll give you a pass on the basic necessities of water, food, shelter and air, but the rest of it has got to end. Not only is it a vicious, counterproductive cycle, it's almost irreparably damaging to your self-esteem. Why would you want a person who had to be forced to love you? Every time you think you're in love, you'll realize it's a lie. Every time you see a couple who is truly committed to each other, you'll wish you had what they have. 

Why have make-believe happiness when you could have actual happiness? 

You deserve a partner who loves you of his/her own free will because you are wonderful, kind, generous, loving, appreciative, funny and most of all, satisfied with the person you are. If you were your best self (thanks Oprah), would you choose the same person or would you choose someone who was in awe of the wonder that is you? And one last question, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you like to be forced into an imitation love? I think not. 

Think about what it might be inside of you that makes you desperate for something you can't have. Maybe it's a control issue. God knows I know about those. Maybe it's a daddy issue. Been there, wrote the novel, went back again. Whatever it is, you'll continue to chase dreams (and men and food and friends and possessions) you should not have until you deal with it. That's how things work on this wonderful plane of existence. The things you cannot have are the things you should...not...have. The things that are not good for you. The things that will not serve you well.

No one wants to be alone. I understand that. Being one half of a couple can be a mind-numbingly amazing experience IF it is a mutually agreed upon venture. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That one's from the Bible.

By the way, the Wiccan's answer to that question is no. You're not supposed to manipulate, dominate, or otherwise control another person. I think that's pretty awesome, too.

If you would like more information on this or any other religion, go to www.religioustolerance.org. Tell them I sent you. They don't know who I am or anything, but if enough people do this, they will.  ;)

Until next week,

Feed on love; subsist on peace.