Monday, November 8, 2010

Intuition is the Voice of God

Today's post was inspired by one of my blogging friends. The following does not detail her particular circumstances, but the feelings involved are similar. I won't say her name, of course, but she'll know it's for her. Maybe several of you will think it's for you. In that case, it most certainly is. I believe there are no accidents; if you're reading this, you probably needed to read it.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

Do you remember how it feels in the first few months after ending a serious relationship? You know how the scenario goes: at first you're feeling good that you finally had the courage to end it. You feel empowered and strong. The birds are singing, the sky is blue, and the sun has regained its rightful place at the center of the universe. Then a couple months go by and you're still alone. You've dated some guys hear and there, but none of them were what you're looking for. So you start to think about the good times with your ex, completely blocking out the bad times. You remember how he would rub your back during your 'time of the month'. You remember how he would make you laugh so hard your cheeks hurt every time your boss pissed you off. Oh, and how your parents loved him, even your dad who hates every man you've ever even considered. Then one day, out of the blue, he calls and asks to see you. He says he misses and loves you so much. He knows that you don't want anything to do with him, but if he could just see your face once more, he thinks he'd be all right. Now you're thinking, 'Wow, I was just thinking about him, too. We're so in sync. Maybe I should give him another chance." The fact that he slept with your neighbor doesn't seem like such a big deal after all. Who cares if he poisoned your cat? That damned thing was a nuisance anyway.  

He comes over and you reminisce over a glass of wine. You gaze into each other's eyes and it's just like old times. That glass of wine turns into a bottle of wine. And then two. The next thing you know, you're making love in front of the fireplace while Luther Vandross serenades you in the background. You wake up in the morning feeling on top of the world. You roll over to kiss him good morning...and he's not there. Instead there's a note that says, "Thank you for last night. I really needed it. I'll always treasure our time together." Or maybe there's no note at all. Whichever setup makes you feel the most used, let's just insert that one in here. You call him and your call goes straight to voicemail. You text him and he doesn't respond. You send an email, same thing. Has he dropped off the face of the earth? No, he's ignoring you and praying like hell that you will get the point without his having to be mean. He'd thought you were familiar with the Code of the Booty Call a.k.a. Let's Just Screw And Say Goodbye until you'd started yammering on about how good it felt to be back together.

Now comes the part where you're second guessing yourself. What could you have been thinking? This always happens to you. You always trust guys who can't be trusted. What the hell is wrong with you? You tell yourself that you can no longer trust your instincts because they have clearly steered you wrong here. In fact, when have they ever been correct? I'll tell you when: always.

Your instincts didn't get you into this mess, you managed that all on your own. Let's dissect this scene, shall we?

*He was unfaithful to you. That may not necessarily be a deal breaker depending on the circumstances, but it's not like that's something to write home about. Can you imagine? "Mom and Dad, I have the best news! Derrick cheated on me with my next door neighbor! Isn't it fabulous?" Not only did he cheat, but he did it with a woman who knows you and knows how you feel about him. I'm not saying they both need mud holes stomped in their asses, but...(Oh, shoot! My bitchy side crept in there for a minute. Sorry. Sometimes I can't control her. I do not condone violence...I do not condone violence...There, I'm back now.)
*He killed your cat. I don't know how you feel about your cat, but mine is like one of my babies. He purposefully killed an innocent creature. Isn't that a characteristic of serial killers-to-be?
*When he called you, he didn't say, "I want to get back together." He said, "If I could just see your face one more time blah, blah, blah." Translation: I haven't had sex since we broke up and my vast collection of pornos is no longer doing the trick.
*You were feeling lonely. Translation: you haven't had good sex since you broke up and you miss feeling a sexual connection with another human being.
*You know he's a jerk, but you thought that being with a jerk is better than being alone.

Always, always, always trust your instincts. They will never tell you to do something that is bad for you. NEVER. Not ever. If you're considering doing something you know is wrong, trust me, that is not your intuition talking. Take a minute and think about just what is talking. What is it that you feel you're missing right now that makes you want to do something harmful to yourself? In the above scenario, it seems our heroine was lonely and vulnerable. Those feelings made her nostalgic for a man who, although clearly not what one would describe as stable, has displayed a measure of caring and love for her at times. Some people are perfectly fine being alone, but some are not. Personally, I am one of those who's not. I need constant feedback and interaction. Don't get me wrong, I do love my alone time (and I mean Idris-Elba-in-nothing-but-a-towel love), but it scares me to think what would happen if left to my own devices. Oh, the trouble I would get into...Probably the reason why God made my husband a cop.

I'll say this before I hop off my soapbox for the week: don't confuse intuition with desire. Intuition is the voice of God while desire is the longing of your heart. You have to figure out what your heart might be longing for at the moment. Sometimes your heart will want things that will not serve you well because your heart's main job (aside from pumping blood through your body, of course) is to make you feel good. Your heart desires things that bring you pleasure. Pleasure is a magnificent animal, but as anyone over the age of 21 will tell you, not everything that feels good is good for you.

Until next week,
Feed on love; subsist on peace.


  1. So true! As women we're constantly berated for being too emotional and relying on "feelings." I always trust my feelings and teach my daughter to do the same. Intuition should be respected and cultivated.

  2. So very true. And as women we put more emotion into sex. sex=love=happy ever after. Blame Cinderella. When I broke up with my ex, I even thought that if he would just have sex with me, it would be all okay cause it would mean he still loved me. How wrong was I. Still if I hadn't let him go, I wouldnt be where I am now.

  3. @Rabbit- You know...yes, sir. You know.
    @Lola mouse- Yes, it should. It's a lesson I'm still learning myself.
    @Mynx- Every experience we have, whether we perceive it as good or bad, teaches us a lesson. Good job on 'getting' yours.


Let me hear your voice.